This walk had something unprecedented. I sensed the energy, the passions and the silent communion between us. This togetherness was unfelt before. Walking down the road at 7p.m. to have a coffee was much like breathing. But this evening had the air in it. Our hands touched and talked. But ineffective and speechless were we two mortals. Sometimes its the silence which says it all. And when it doesn’t, there’s nothing brewing.
The mind groped for answers within. But in vain. As there were none. As there was an abysmal pit. As they had to come from her. But humans as we are, dementia, or whatever it is which defines our existence, makes us run after the unattainable. Much like rowing in the sea, against the shores, to feel the sun at the other end. And then two things remain constant, we keep on rowing and the sun remains. Mockery is all I can do at my frenzy mind. Its insane.
The coffee shop was fast approaching. We sat on the same seats as we used to. She liked sitting beside the wall, and I liked that too as then it was her which I could only see. God I just felt that moment would never end. She had a hint of uncertainity on her face. And my mind was bursting out with explanations, assurances and vows. But silence was mightier than words……. yet again. We talked gibberish while we sat….. howz life goin’ … that movie she saw…. that game I played…. a new dress she bought and whatever that could come in my mind….. literally…. “whatever”. There are times when sanity gives in to pulchritude. This was one of those typical spectacles which you behold before the peak. We payed the bill, and were on the road again. She wanted to be alone. I also wanted to…. with her.
There are these hunches which your mind plays. Truly meaningless, without any sane rationale and out of the blue. But they make you more certain than your own being. I had one while we were returning to the hotel. I felt she would approve. I saw her wiping her tears. I couldn’t say a word. I was too apprehensive or probably not so mature to soothe. The heart was heavier than earth. Both of us knew….. I dunno what… but something… something which kept us both quiet. The hotel approached. She took the keys for her room and went away without even saying a word. But I sensed it…. through my sixth or seventh or whatever sense you might want to call it. I never saw her before, until that day, with a smile on her face & with tears in her eyes. She said it all. Without even uttering a word. She was too afraid or probably too shy. This is the power of silence.
I went to my room. With that strange feeling. What now ? What if ? Never realized when I climbed 3 floors. Out of mind. Blank… yet Fraught. Insane… yet thoughtful. Unaware of what to do.
And then……. the most obvious thing happens. My cellphone rings. Its her.
With a flair of charm and with the air of apprehension she says the first three words ….
And I sit there…. just asking her to repeat… till eternity comes.
This post is indeed… “for her”