Its stagnant. The trees, the air, things around me, and my mortal self. I seem to drag my feet with the utmost strength I have within me, but in vain. As if being a part of an inanimate picture where everything has been brushed with black and white and the passers by don’t bother to look. I know this is a phase and will go away sooner than later.
The transition is detached. No bliss. No hopes. No bleakness. As the desires are far away and here I am beating about the bush. I touched heaven from the upper layers of my mind, body and soul. I sensed the inner ones when time was not on my side. I witnessed the paramount of debility in me this time when I was on my side of the river. Its useless. Its unimportant. Its inconsequential. What I think or want. And I now know it always was. I just never realized as I always was too engaged in bathing in the glory of being a part of it. And it went away just like that. Heh !! With all the power God has vested in you, it just occurs to your mind that its all just fake as he is the one who takes it away without you even knowing it. I did not even beg this time to stall those moments as I knew my reservations.
Time passes. things happen and we just behold like a mute spectator from a distance. I do not believe in the genuineness of the fact that its us who inscribe our own fate. No I don’t. We just live it. Its all impressed on stone and all we do is follow the path. Taking turns when it calls and walking straight when it doesn’t. I’ve painfully endeavored to make a surrogate and trust me its been futile.
That’s life in real. Make the most of what’s written rather than wasting time in writing your own. As much as I can hate, I’ve accepted it completely after the sojourn. The “other side” peeps from the corners of my defeated mind but I silently subdue it. I know I will soon conquer my mind.
And with this self deception I yet again walk the line.