No thoughts. No concept. Just a cloak of darkness acting as a veil on the numb mind. “Depression” is what they call it. And I just smile seeing them define these myriad of thoughts in single word.
Love is not something to be felt or touched or sensed. Its in the air. Not a cliche again but I believe it is. People are so hasty that they don’t see it. Wait and you behold. The very beauty and the very essence of it.
Life is vacillating these days. It looks for the bliss within. But “within” is a hollow creature which has forgotten everything. Listless, incapacitated and tired. Everything outside is heaven. But its the “within” which is averse to such contemplation. I do not tend to blame it. Its me . My thoughts and my ideas. It makes me think. Am I free. Or yet again, like every living mortal, I too am in shackles of the “material” world.
New People new hopes and new expectations. The inside is tumultuous. Do I even have to care about it. Or do I have to even compare them with the comrades Ive had and still have with me. Friendship is not about comparison. Its like love. Its happens and you sink in. Nothing superficial nothing exegetic.
In these times the only thing you remember is your confidants, who have that inconspicuous power of bringing smile to your swollen face. You talk to them once a year and it becomes a lifetime. A lifetime which you wish to live again and again.
Words have become my blunt, rusted and deaden sword. Contending to fight the mighty “being”. But its too as weak and disqualified as its master.
When do I return ? Return to the days I loved. Those very lifetimes, when the “within” was joyous. I sail with the wind, with the tides. That’s all this “breaking apart” mortal could do. And now I realize. Its void within. Everything. Anything. I anticipate times when I change the sail to ride against every prognosticable event that defines my existence, my very being. As this is who I am, who I was.
I lament no more. The mind stops and the heart pumps. Its the “within” again. After me. All over me.