It’s high time when I should start seeing the world in a different way. Not close my eyes to reality and go deep down inside and see things which have already passed. It is painful though, but if it is the truth then be it.
I get up at 7:30, have tea, take a bath, go to office, chat, code, email, and do everything else much like diurnal chores. The next day is no different than any other. But there is this thing which always keeps going. That dormant thought. I let it stay there.
The chores are mundane. No doubt. Every now and then I coerce myself to find some bliss in things I do, in things I perceive. I try to live in the present. But actually I live in falseness as I force myself in doing things I don’t want. And so this is not what I call living in the “truth” . Or is it? I still think.
It is hard coded that if you compel yourself in doing things you don’t want to, you actually run away from the truth rather than accepting it. But then again if by forcing yourself in believing something you don’t want, lets you live in the present moment, you live in the truth. Because it is the “present” which everyone says is the truth. Huh!! One word so many faces. You cannot be at one place physically and think about another. So even if you run away from the truth by reluctantly doing things you don’t want to, you actually in other ways accept it. Another anomaly. Sometimes I just sit and wonder how many different meanings could a 5 letter word encompass.
Truth is what you see at any instant of time; which is in front of your eyes and not in your mind which anyways drives you crazy. Will not talk about it much. There is much I’ve said. Truth is believing in your present and not running away from it even if it makes you do stuff you actually hate. Its hard, I already mentioned. Truth is something which you don’t wish to believe but you have to. Truth is fate. Truth is destiny. Truth is what I’m not. Truth is what apparently e’one else is. Truth is what happens “now”. Truth is what happens in the real world and not what goes on in your “frenzy mind”.
Lately I’ve made a resolution of seeing the world from the truth’s eye. I’ve tried with all my strength to shut my mind’s vision not letting it wander around. But I just hope it used its eyes.
Now when I work, I work, when I chat, I chat, when I code, I code. I “try” to live in the present. I do not tend to think about that dormant little thought……. that other bank of the river. Cuz thats not the truth. And as I write this my hands shake and my heart palpitates. And then it makes me wonder. Is it the truth I write ?