Going through the pages of my so called “personal” diary yesterday, all I was doing was laughing at none other than myself. They seemed to be quite funny to me at that point of time. I tried reading a couple of them. “Exams finished today and I went to Rovers with my friends”. “I made my team win a cricket match”, “Got a beating for not completing the homework” and on and on and on.
It then makes me think that how important small things were. How significant was it to get a “V. V. Good” in your sentence completion assignment and then coming back home and shouting your lungs out until the whole neighbouhood knew about it.”Those were the days” is what the cliche sounds. Yes those really were.
And as I turned the pages and switched diaries those assignments started getting transformed slowly and steadily into real life challenges. Then came the pain and agony. I read some more. “I failed in my second year exam and my parents had to bear the brunt” That moment was painful. I was even able to visualize myself, while I read that excerpt, standing at the door of that professor’s cabin, doing nothing while my Dad and Mom were listening what actually I deserved. All I did was to stand in humiliation and curse myself for hurting those people who cared for me more than anyone could ever have on this earth. I knew that I had to fill up the blanks ……..not of the sentences this time but of the patches which were tryina ruin my life. And now I am glad that I did.
There was everything written in white and black in those diaries. Sacrifices for friends, getting a Mechanical Engg project done( leaving aside my own ) jus cuz you are good at typing and you get a good treat ( a chai and a bantaak… thats what we used to call our canteen biscuits :P ) for doing their 2000 words, or even sitting on the first bench in the HOD’s class after having a deadly hangover.
Aah!! those times are over now. There were both good and bad ones which used to come every now and then and shroud my diurnal activities at their will. And it is really overwhelming now to look back and see how i failed in some did good in others.
As I was entangled in these wonderful memories, I got a call from my brother asking me to cook the dinner as he would be late from office that day. I slowly got up. And when I did I suddenly realised that I wasn’t holding any of the diaries in my hand. I was just sittin on the couch bare handed. What was it then? How did i just leaved through the pages which defined almost my entire life? Thinking. Thinking. And do I understand now? No that can’t be. I comprehend but then I deny. Is it really… Na ..No… No way..!!!
In the end no matter how reluctant I am to accept, but it was again …. yes even u guessed it… “my frenzy mind”.