Posted by: Utkarsh | November 9, 2007

…someday I Will.

The grass doesn’t always “seems” to be greener on the other side. It certainly sometimes is.

Its like 2 banks of an unfathomable and an unending violent river where I stroll alone on one of them. Kicking the wet mud, unaware that it is dirtying my own feet. Its loneliness I behold all around and inside me. With all the power I have left, I dare to look up and see the opposite bank where once I belonged. Trust me, its not at all simple. I see lights, I see bliss, I smell the air which made me feel at home… and I see friends. And then the head slowly bends down on its own. The more I see the more it pains, always killing me a little inside.

The heart cries out in pain and urges audibly to cross the callous river. But no one listens. Even I tend to give a deaf ear to it as I know that a weak mortal as me can do little about it. A human being, no matter how acute and wise has he been described by the sagacious clan, has actually been according to me, the weakest. Time just flies by, things happen as they are supposed to, everything just occurs in a flurry, and there “he” stands on the bank of the river, helplessly seeing the moves. He knows that its futile to even ask “it” to stop. ‘Cuz it won’t. They say to keep control of your time. I just laugh at them. I’ve seen time passing by in the blink of an eye. Its always in a hurry. Specially when you are enjoying it.
Baffled and entangled in these thoughts I decide to leave. Eventually turning my back to the place my heart wants to be the most. My hopes fatigued, feet full of dirt and sand but still kicking the wet and guiltless sand. Suddenly there is this feeling which asks me to look behind. I turn my head backwards to take a last look on the place I call paradise. It’s far….. not in terms of distance but in terms of the times to come when I’d be there. But this time I look with much more power, with much more aspirations and with much more sanity.

I am aware its far. I keep looking. I know that I do not belong there. But I also know, that there is something inside, though very exiguous and dormant at this point, but able enough to make me see tomorrow’s sun, which tells me and my mind that no matter where I stand and no matter if I do not form a part of that place now…….there would be Someday when I will.

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